They Rape You Of Your Childhood

That saying refers to both a song and my life. Sadly the second one is the reason why its here.

I am the eldest of nine kids. Yes nine, not eight not ten. Nine. My parents wanted a lot of children but before they had so many they didn't consider the fact that they will have to raise them properly. My dad had 9 or 10 siblings, I forget how many. And he was the third from the youngest. So he had a bunch of siblings to look out for him and only 2 to watch over and learn how his parents raised them. My mom was the only child from both of her parents but has 2 half sisters she never met, so she got everything she wanted and never had to share or have responsibility. My dad was the one who took care of me until my mom learned. That took a little bit.

But as soon as I has a younger brother responsibility started falling on me. Because my dad was always at work and we had a farm I had to learn to baby sit, clean and help my mom with anything she needed as well as help my dad with the farm in the summer. And the only reward I got for always working was permission for superiority. I was a second mother to these kids and that kind of backfired. I'm not gonna lie, I love being in charge and be able to tell them to do what ever I want as long as it doesn't go against my parents rules. But that left me with nothing.

My mom had a girl 2 years later and twins 11 months later and then 4 more kids every year after that, the last 2 being twins once again. So she needed my help all of the time. I was what she called me " her second right hand" I was always there and always helping. I learned a lot about what to do and not do when it comes to kids and the basic things about raising them properly. But during all that time I had no time to be a kid, no time to play and no time to be the same as those kids, I was their protector and it was my job to look out for them 24/7. And from that I learned that the parents should be parents and the kids, kids. You can't put so much responsibility on a three year old and expect them to feel equal to their siblings.

As I grew older my parents thought all the kids that they can control the kids under their age but don't have to take care of them because I was around. For some reason they didn't lie responsibility on all of the kids to take care of each other, just on me. And thanks to that the kids became uncontrollable. They started having younger siblings bring them stuff when they didn't want to get it, or do their chores when my parents decided to divide them. And yell at each other just because they were older and older meant superior. But when someone picked on our younger kids from the neighborhood they weren't there to protect them, instead to mock and make fun of them.

I think my parents put too much time into making the kids and not raising me. And I learn from that, but just hope that they do too. Soon. And if you have kids, do yourself a favor and take time to know them and be responsible for them, do not put all the responsibility on the kids and treat them as equals and have them treat each other the same way. Feeling power and having power never brings any good if you use it badly.

Love Vika